


You Can't Always Get What You Want

by somebodytoldme



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Human, And are dealing with boy drama, Basically they are struggle to find jobs in the city, F/M, Finn and Rey are roommates, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of confusion, M/M, Mixed Signals, Slice of Life, Slow Build, So basic, awkward dating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-15 14:45:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7226710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somebodytoldme/pseuds/somebodytoldme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey and Finn have been best friends for at least four years now, they met junior year of college. Currently, they live in New York City, in a small apartment where they both struggle to survive- and try find out who they are and what they want. </p><p>Rey is currently in a confusing friends-with-benefits deal with a dark, mysterious man that doesn't appear to own a single shirt in his entire wardrobe. And even though is has been stressed how bad of an idea the whole thing is, she can't seem to give it up.<br/>Finn is falling fast and hard for a boy that he met online through his popular blog. Only problem is that he is already taken, and things are complicated...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is extremely, loosely, based off of Girls (HBO). Because I have an Adam Driver problem, and I watched the first two seasons of that show because of him. Hence- the skeleton of this fic was formed. While there may be some similarities to the show, this story will definitely deviate in many ways. So, thank you to Girls for the inspiration. Also, if you haven't seen the show, and love Adam Driver, go watch some because the first season he is shirtless 80% of the time. Just saying. Cheers.

“I don’t understand why he never responds to my texts,” Rey mutters at her phone, as if willing it to respond for her.

“Because he is a _tool_ ,” Finn quips helpfully behind her, seated at the kitchen table, in the process of writing on his very successful, very popular blog.

Rey twists on the couch, moving to get a more comfortable view of her roommate typing furiously at his MacBook, “He’s really not _that_ bad, he does have his moments.” Otherwise she wouldn’t tolerate him, well, not completely anyway. They had a sort of, booty-call, one-night stand – not so one night stand thing going on.

Finn squints at the screen, sighs in frustration, and slams the lid shut. “He is a _tool_ because he clearly doesn’t realize _how lucky_ he is to have you!” He takes off his glasses and places them off to the side, rubbing his forehead in irritation.

Rey smiles at his comment, nonetheless, it is nice to have _somebody_ who thinks she is great- even if he was completely uninterested in her, or women in general. Noticing his frustration, her smile fades away, “What’s wrong?”

He stands up and begins fretting in the kitchen cabinets, which makes Rey jump up because Finn has no talent for cooking. They still don’t talk about the Grilled Cheese Incident. He gives her a small smile as she takes the box of rice from him, “Just… This idiot on the internet, who insists that _all_ of my reviews of film are either _inaccurate_ or utter nonsense.”

“Sounds like a tool,” Rey quips, brow frowning, “scoot over,” she taps his side in order to gain access to the pans.

“A _total_ , pretentious tool,” Finn agrees, moving to sit down again. “I honestly think that he is just trying to fight, he always picks out the tiniest detail and twists my words against me.”

“I can see where that can be frustrating,” she nods, and lights the stove. She glanced over her shoulder, “Is fried rice ok?”

Finn looks dreamily at her, “I don’t deserve you.”

Rey turns about and points the spatula at her best friend, “Yes, yes you do.”

Rey and Finn met junior year of college, and simply just _clicked_ completely with each other. Four years, and two years living together, they complimented each other perfectly. Which was a blessing, as they lived together in a small, but quaint apartment in New York City. Neither of them had yet found their dream job, or even a job relating to the degree that they received in college... But it didn’t mean they weren’t trying.

“Damn,” she muttered as she looked in the fridge, to find among its sparse contents an empty egg carton. “Can you run to the store and buy some eggs, please?”

Finn hops up, pulling on his jacket, “no problem,” he makes his way over to kiss her cheek, “Be back in a jiffy.”

“Jiffy?” she scoffs on his way out the door, “Nobody says that anymore!”

\----

“They must be crazy!” Finn’s voice yells over the phone, so loud that she cringes against it.

“Yeah, well, they’re lunatics because they let me go,” she grumbles into the phone, pressed between her ear and shoulder. She tosses a bag of chips into her cart, giving a weak smile at the old woman who almost crashes her shopping cart into hers. “I don’t know what I’m going to do Finn! I was already behind on the rent money this month…”

Finn groans on the other line, “I _know_ and I wish I could say I could cover for you- “

“Don’t even, you know I don’t expect that!”

“But I would!” he insists on the other line, the sound of keys on the other line. Finn was a secretary for a small law firm, which he said was slowly killing him. “Listen, I can ask around, if you need something.”

She nods, throwing a few more things in her cart before moving for the checkout, “If it is not too much of a hassle, I would _really_ appreciate it.”

The sound of keys pauses, “No hassle, I’ll call when I find something.”

“You’re best Finn!”

“I try,” and the line goes dead.

\----

She’s on her way out, carrying a bag of _regrets_ or comfort food, when her phone buzzes. She pauses, frantically digging into her large purse, surprised that Finn could’ve found something so fast. She finds it and answers it without much thought, “Hello?”

There is silence on the other end. “Hello?” she repeats.

“Uhhh, you called me?” a deep voice resonates on the other line hesitantly.

“Shit – “she had forgotten that she, in a moment of weakness, had called _him_. It was right after she got fired, feeling incredibly frustrated at not being able to properly yell at her boss… And they remembering what else frustrated her, that stupid boy that never texted her back. She adjusts the phone, cradling it to her ear, “uhh, yeah, um… I was wondering what you were up to?”

Rey squeezes her eyes shut, cringing inside at that horrible excuse. Now that she had a good few hours to calm down, and he had called her when her guard was down, this was just an awkward excuse for a conversation.

There is a long pause, “Umm, nothing, the usual.” There is another long pause, where Rey really can’t articulate anything to say. So, he carries on, “Did you want to come over?”

She recalls the last time she came over, and shakes her head. But for some reason she says, “Yeah, sure.”

“Ok… See you in a bit.”

And he hangs up. And Rey is left standing clutching a plastic bag full of melting icecream, three bags of different flavored chips, and a bottle of wine. Did she just agree to go over to his place? Why did she do that?

She shakes her head clear. Well, at the very least she can use this opportunity to give him a piece of her mind. Good, great.

\----

He answers the door, and he is not wearing a shirt. “Hey, there.”

She practiced this speech three times on her way here, and then once more pacing outside his door. But… his chest _and everything_ is very distracting… Her mouth feels dry, “Hi.”

A smirk forms on his lips, and he glances down at the bag, “You brought snacks?” He turns back into his apartment, leaving the door ajar for her to follow after. “You didn’t have to,” his deep voice resonates as he collapses on the couch.

Rey follows after, eyes trailing down his back to the loose jeans on his hips, “Uh, yeah.” Never mind that she _didn’t_ buy them for him. He definitely didn’t deserve them. She closes the door behind her, and pauses to take off her shoes.

The apartment is very scarce, without much warmth or a distinct lack of personal touch. The only characteristic that it really had, was that it was perfectly neat- as a pin. Which was slightly disturbing to her.

“Nice,” he mutters, from the black, leather couch, his eyes watching her intently.

“So, what have you been up to?” she asks, glancing off to the side. She just feels awkward, unable to carry out her original intentions now that she is here, face to face with him.

She doesn’t realize he has gotten off the couch until he is too close. So close, that she can almost feel the heat radiating off his naked skin. He grasps her wrist loosely, hand trailing down her own to take the plastic bag from her grasp, “Make yourself comfortable.”

Rey can breathe again when he leaves the room for the kitchen, and retreats quickly to the couch. She had forgotten why it was such a bad idea to see him person… To just pop over for a visit. It was because they almost _always_ ended up—

“What’s up with the junk food?”

She shifts uncomfortably on the couch, “Uh, I had a really rough day.”

His head appears from the kitchen, dark curls and brown eyes, “Yeah, why?”

“Well, I… Actually, I got fired today.”

He crosses the room towards her, and she forces herself to tear her eyes away for a moment. Though, she can still feel his intense stare, before he pauses—hovering above her. “That really sucks.”

“Yeah… it really does,” she says uncommitted, as she looks back up to him. The conversation is clearly over, as neither are focused or even interested in it at this point. She licks her lips, and watches him watch _her._

He ducks down, locking her in between his two arms, leaning in with his freakishly tall person. “I’m sorry,” his says, not sounding anything but distracted.

“Thanks,” she mutters before closing the short distance, as he was impossibly close.

Their lips meet for a quick kiss. And then they pull away, he licks his lips and kisses her again. And it is wet, and hot, and she reaches up to tilt his face, so that their lips meet just right. From there is just heavy, his tongue pokes into her open mouth at first opportunity, and she chases him right back into his own mouth.

She moans when they part, and he kneels on the floor in front of her. He pulls her knees apart so he is centered between them, before attacking her mouth again. And it is an ongoing assault. She wraps her calves around his thighs half-heartedly, as his hands circle around her waist and under her shirt.

That’s right, that is why she never comes over here. Because they always end up fucking.

\----

“You _didn’t_ ,” comes the accusatory tone from her best friend. Rey covered her face with her hands, shaking her head at the kitchen table. “You _did_. You fucking _fucked him._ Rey!”

She groans, pushing her plate of scrambled eggs and toast away, “It wasn’t on purpose!”

An amused eyebrow raise, “Not on purpose? Did his dick just fall into your— “

“Finn, please! I went over to yell at him for being a _tool_.”

“That worked well.”

She pouted at his smirk. “Did I mention that he is unfairly sexy?”

He nodded sagely, taking a bite of his toast, “Yes, yes… He also sounds like a serial killer. You say he is insanely neat, and that you’ve never met him outside of his place except at that one party that one time. He says weird stuff during sex… _And_ his name is _Kylo Ren._ Who is named _Kylo?”_

She shrugs her shoulders and offers, “He is?” Although, she really did need to cut off things with him because he was an asshole… At the very least. But the sex wasn’t _horrible_. It was… ok. And it relieved it definitely relieved some tension yesterday.

“Speaking of serial killers,” Finn segues after a few minutes of silence, “I have to ask you something.”

Caught out of her own daydream, she looks back to her friend and nods, “Shoot.”

“So, you remember that guy I was talking about yesterday online— “

“The tool.”

“Exactly. Well, I got a message today, and he wants to meet.”

Rey nods slowly, “He’s from around here?”

“Yeah, I guess so…” Finn looks uncomfortable, then leans forward, “I don’t have any idea who he is, what he looks like, I just know that his name is Poe.”

“And that he’s a tool.”

“Yeah.”

Rey watches her friend slowly evolve into a huge puppy, damn, he was using those puppy eyes again. She already knew where this was going. “So, you want me to tag along, on this little meet up to make sure you don’t potentially get yourself killed….”

Finn nods eagerly, reaching to touch her hand, “Yes, _please_ , I’m too young to die.”

She rolls her eyes at his dramatics.

“Plus, I really want to see this guy… I want to give a face to the comments. And, I want to tear him apart when we met— get justice.”

Rey considers how her confrontation with Ren had ended so poorly, considering that it never happened. So, maybe it was worth it to go with Finn. At the very least, at least one of them would be able to get justice.

“Alright, let’s do it.”

“You’re a goddess.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Oh my god, what if he is, like, fifty-seven years old with no teeth, and preys on young, twenty-four year olds with popular movie review blogs!”

“That… is oddly _specific,_ ” Rey teases from across the table. They had decided to meet said mystery man in a fairly popular coffee shop. How _basic_. They had no idea what he looked like, since his blog was obscure, where Finn’s was the opposite with a biography of himself. Finn was freaking out, needless to say, so they decided to show up an hour early in order to scope out future escape routes.

Finn glanced around, chewing on this thumbnail, “Can we go? You know what, let’s just go.”

Rey swatted his hand away from his mouth because she was a good friend that discouraged bad habits to persist. “Will you stop freaking out! Look, you dragged me to this thing because you wanted to meet this guy!”

He drummed his fingers against the table top, “Yeah, that was a week ago. Now, I’m reconsidering how valuable my life is.”

“You know, there is a distinct chance that he is _not_ a complete psychopath, and merely a complete movie nerd like you.”

Finn groaned, “And there is a chance he is not.”

“You know what sounds good right now? A coffee, I’m going to get a coffee. And you’re going to sit here like the brave boy you are, and stop acting like a pre-Madonna.”

She headed over for the barista, hearing the door chime behind her. She turned to see a man in a soft, brown leather jacket enter the shop, glance around and head straight for Finn. “Oh my god, he’s _gorgeous._ ”

\----

“I completely disagree; I think that the fact that he changes his mind at the end of the movie does not equate to character growth or even development… There is not enough transition along the way, and it just feels blunt, messy, and unnatural.”

The man, who introduced himself as Poe Dameron, shook his head in response. “I think it is supposed to leave you questioning, supposed to make you want to re-watch the movie in order to figure attempt to pinpoint where his thought process started to change.”

It had already been an hour, and Rey found herself sitting between the two men who kept bouncing back in forth in a powerful debate about some movie that she had never watched. She stretched, her coffee was long gone, and she figured if Finn was going to be murdered then it would have happened already. “Well, as interesting as this is, I think I’m going to head out.”

Poe, at least, has the decency to look sheepish at leaving her out of the conversation, “Oh, I’m sorry… I have a tendency to get caught up— “

Collecting her bag to stand she waves away his worries, “Oh, don’t worry about it, I have to be on my way anyway. The job search calls.”

Poe still smiles apologetically in response. Rey leans over to kiss a guilty looking Finn on the cheek. “He’s _nice_ ,” she whispers in his ear before heading out, which fully implies a long conversation later about said cute boy.

\----

“What would you consider your greatest weakness to be? Why are you interested in working for our company? Can you tell us a time when you overcame a problem?”

Rey leaves the second interview of the day feeling utterly lost. While she answers the questions as well as she can, the answer is always the same. “We appreciate your time, but we are looking for someone with a little more work experience.”

This is the fourteenth interview since she was fired, and she is about ready to scream with frustration. How was she supposed to get more experience, when even the lowest level jobs required more experience? It was an endless cycle of fuckery.

She was about to indulge in a _very_ large pastry from the coffee shop down the block, when a sign caught her eye. _You Break It, We Fix It_ , the slogan makes her roll her eyes, but the littering of signs of _technician needed_ catches her attention the most. She was good at fixing just about everything, electronics to even cars. Rey always had a natural curiosity about how things worked, which lead to her taking them apart and putting more painstakingly putting them back together.

Hesitantly, she entered the small shop, only to find it exploding with shelves upon shelves of _junk_. Wires hung from hooks on the ceiling, a collection of ancient VCR players was stacked to the left. The back wall was full of bright lights of all assortments from Christmas lights to a traffic light that kept changing colors. She _adored it_.

“Hello?” she called, looking for whomever this beautiful store belonged to.

There was a garbled yell from what looked to be a backroom, hidden behind a tangle of wires. She followed the sound, only to find an incredibly bushy man hunched over an old computer, with its insides ripped open. He held a flashlight between his two teeth, as he carefully began to he processes of disconnecting the damaged motherboard.

“Hello?” Rey said carefully, not wishing to fright him with her appearance. To which, he merely grunts around the flashlight and begins to reach for a pair of pliers that stretched out across the clutter. Rey picks it up, and passes it over to which he grunts, some kind of thanks. “No problem.”

She waits patiently until he has delicately removed the motherboard, and is placing it off to the side in what looks like a scrap pile. He sets down the flashlight, organizing his tools which were hazardously scattered across the floor. “Can’t take in any more jobs until next week—we’re over short at the moment.”

She shakes off his dismissal, “I didn’t come here to _give_ you a job, I came here to _get_ a job.”

That seems to shock him, and he turns around for the first time to properly look at her. He had full beard that seemingly had not been trimmed in quite some time. His hair was brown, and brushed back in a short, messy bun at the back of his skull. From what she could tell, he looked to be in his forties, with a hint of gray and laugh lines gracing his visible features. His brown eyes were warm, however skeptical of her statement. “A job?”

“Yes sir,” she smiles, “I can fix anything.”

He looks at her for a minute more, before standing up and wiping his hands on his jeans. He points to the computer that lay in pieces, “Finish this job, and you can consider yourself hired.”

Rey doesn’t waver.

It takes her two hours to reassemble the computer, and to find and install a new motherboard that would breathe new life into the computer. Her new boss stays for the first ten minutes, before disappearing back into the mess. She stretches after two hours of concentration, cracking her stiff neck, before happily trailing out of the small room.

“Two hours, seven minutes, and thirty-eight seconds,” mutters the man from across the room as she appears.

She sheepishly scratches the back of her neck, “Is that bad?”

He breaks out into a smile, “Not at all. Consider yourself hired.”

Excitement bursts from the seams. A job, not only one that would cover the rent, but also something that she enjoyed doing. It wasn’t her _dream,_ but it sure as hell was a start if not an improvement from the last one. “Thank you, sir!”

He barks a laugh, “Please, it’s Chewie.” She takes note, deciding the name suits him just fine as he gestures her over. “Come, we will discuss the terms of your contract.”

\----

By the time Rey left the shop she was bouncing with joy. Chewie was a gruff, but warm-hearted character whom she fell into step with easily. He was honest, and although her beginning salary was fairly low, she could make much more on commission. It seemed like the world had just been lifted from her shoulders, if only for a little while. The job would suit her needs, until she found something better.

Rey walks off the adrenaline pumping through her veins, stopping only when she finds herself at a familiar destination. Instantly, she feels silly for having walked all the way here, on the completely other side of the neighborhood. She looks up at his windows, at the warm glow of light, that is becoming more prevalent as the sun sinks lower in the sky.

She feels that annoying itch to run up there, to share the news of her new employment. Suppressing the urge, she reaches for her phone and dials the number. Pacing as it rings several times before a voice crackles through, “Hello?”

“Hey,” she breathes, glancing up at the window, “are you home?”

There is a long pause, and then slow response, “No.... Why what’s up, kid?”

Her eyes narrow at the shadow that passes by the window above, “Where are you then?”

“Out,” he says calmly, and then after a pause, “how’d job hunting go today?”

It was obvious he was lying to her, but she couldn’t confront him about it without seeming like a creeper for coming by uninvited. Worse, she didn’t know _why_ he was lying to her… It wasn’t like he was trying to avoid her, as he had still answered the phone (though he still refused to ever answer any texts). Different possibilities swam around her head, as she tried to regulate herself. “Good… good.”

There is a hint of amusement in his voice at her vague response, “Good, as in hired good?”

Her head was like a crashing ocean of confusion, anger, and just a hint of guilt that she couldn’t focus on the conversation. “Yeah, yeah, I’m employed… I gotta go, so I’ll tell you about it next time.”

He hums in acknowledgement, his dismissal light, “Alright, kid. Next time.”

She taps end quickly, and breathes a deep breath before quickly putting as much distance between her and that apartment as possible.

\----

“I’m so proud of you, Rey,” Finn says again from across the couch, nursing a glass of celebratory, and insanely _cheap_ champagne.

She grins, finishing the remains of her glass, even though she has work at her new job pretty early the next morning. “Thank you, Finn.” Because Finn was the sweetest friend that acted excited about even the littlest victories. She admired him from across the couch, his face in deep concentration at whatever story was unfolding on the TV screen.

“You know I hate it when you watch _me_ instead of the _movie_.” As sweet as he was, Finn was a fascist when it came to films. If you weren’t devoting your complete attention to certain films he deemed as _art_ it would earn you a proper scolding.

She smirked, and set her glass down on the soft throw rug below, “Speaking of films, how did the rest of your date go?”

Finn reluctantly tears his head away from the screen for a moment to frown at her disapprovingly, “It wasn’t a _date_.”

“It seemed to be going well when I left. Did you get his number? He was cute, right?”

The boy sighed at the flood of questions, and picked up the remote to pause the movie because he _knew_ Rey. And he also knew this conversation would not be ending any time soon. “It went... _okay._ And yes, we did exchange numbers but _only_ to discuss business.”

She notices his dodge of the last question, but allows it for the moment. “What sort of business?”

“Well, it occurred to us, after you left, that it was rather easy to bounce different opinions and ideas off each other. So, Poe proposed that we start a podcast that reviews different films.”

“ _What?_ ” Rey exclaims, “a podcast? Finn, that is _amazing_!” She felt excited for him, but equally annoyed that he had kept it from her for so long… Seemingly, with no intention of bringing it up what-so-ever. She crosses her arms, “When were you going to tell me?”

He shrugs, having enough sense to look apologetic, “It’s not a sure thing yet… There is a lot to discuss yet.”

“Well, it still is _exciting_ news worthy of celebration,” Rey chides him. She reaches for the half empty bottle of champagne and refills her glass, “a toast then, to a very successful podcast.”

He gives her a small smile, and clinks his glass against hers.

“Can we return to the film now?”

“Yes you fascist.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT/ATTEMPTED RAPE

The next day is wonderful. Rey wakes up early, and is refreshed with a shower and the joy of her new job. Chewie, as it turns out, is not really a morning person. However, he nods to her in greeting when she enters and directs her to the back where a heap of junk is left for her to tinker with. It is _perfect_.

In fact, everything would be perfect about this day, if it weren’t for the lingering questions she had for Ren about yesterday. It wasn’t as if she could really confront him about it. And she couldn’t even get a second opinion from Finn either. She hadn’t bothered bringing it up to the boy yesterday, as she knew exactly what his response would be—disapproval. Every time she brought Ren up he would just shut down, and insist that she stop seeing him.

_“He’s bad news, Rey.”_

She shook it off, pausing to retrieve her phone. Even if she couldn’t talk to Finn about this, it still required a second opinion.

\----  
“It is rare for you to invite me out to lunch.”

“Yes, I’m sorry we haven’t gone out sooner, I just heard you arrived back in town a few days ago…”

Phasma was a few years older than Rey and Finn, but they had also met her in college. She had been a graduate student, studying for her masters in English, while also student teaching a literature course they were forced to take for credit. Phasma was a free spirit (clear from her unusual name), she wasn’t tied down by debt the same way Finn and Rey were. Her parents had a sum of money, which funded her education and slightly _extravagant_ lifestyle. She had short blonde hair, and a bohemian kind of style, even now she wore a flowing dress which she claimed she got on her last trip to Florence, Italy.

“That’s alright, love,” she says graciously, brushing a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “It is wonderful to see you, of course. How’re things going?”

Rey looks down at her hands, feeling slightly embarrassed at her lack of success in the career field. “Well, I recently got a new job as a technician.”

Phasma gave her a small smile, “Bravo, you were always good at fixing _everything_.” She takes a sip of her wine, “Has Finn secretly released any films that I should know about?”

Rey shook her head, “He isn’t a director quite yet, but he may be starting a podcast pretty soon.”

Phasma nods, “Sounds lovely.” She and Finn did not really get along, their two personalities clashed too much for either to be comfortable friends. Rey knew this, but she couldn’t help but adore them both equally. The woman leans forward in her chair, “Now that catching up is done, are you going to tell me what you’re _clearly_ itching to tell me, already?”

This was another reason why Rey adored her so much, her intuition was truly admirable. “Yes… Well, I’m not entirely sure where to start, to be honest.”

“The beginning is as good of a place as any,” Phasma suggests.

“Right…” And Rey goes into it, describing her practically unusual relationship with Ren.

Phasma waits patiently until the end before giving an amused chuckle. “By _weird_ sex, what exactly do you mean?”

“Well, most of the time it happens pretty fast…” Phasma smirks at that, “but sometimes he makes up these, like, scenarios… One time I was a hooker and he was a wealthy, older man who picked me up and brought me to a hotel…”

The blonde woman laughs outright at that, “Sounds like the plot to _Pretty Woman._ ” She shakes off Rey’s worries, “Role-playing in bed isn’t _that_ unusual.”

Rey blushes, suddenly feeling her own lack of experience. She only had two serious boyfriends, and neither of them did such a thing. “It is normal?”

Phasma shrugs, “The fantasies don’t seem that far stretched… Plus, with fuck buddies, you’re often more comfortable to _play_ while fucking.” She picked at a perfectly manicured nail, “I once had a man ask me to wear a dog collar… He said he wanted me to bark while he fucked me from behind.”

Rey stared in disbelief, “Did you do it?”

The woman laughs, “Of course, love! If only for the story—try everything once!”

\----

Rey returns to her job after work, and the rest of the day is completely uneventful. After an excellent meal of spaghetti and meatballs, Rey lays, stretched out across the couch feeling content and fat. While, Finn is typing furiously away in kitchen at what she can only assume to be Poe.

“I saw Phasma today,” Rey offers from the couch. She waits for some kind of acknowledgement, and continues when there is none, “I said we’d all have dinner together soon.”

Finn visibly cringes and groans from behind his Macbook, “ _We_ , why does there have to be a _‘we’_ , Rey?” He pulls off his reading glasses to glare at her, “You _know_ how much I _hate_ her.”

She sits up to face him properly, “Come on, you know you don’t _hate_ her.”

“You’re right, I _despise her_.”

Rey rolls her eyes and decides on different tactic, “Aren’t you at all curious as to what she has been up to?”

“Not at all,” Finn deadpans, shutting his laptop closed in irritation.

“She’s curious about you.”

“Yeah, I’m sure she is _dying_ to hear about my _enthralling_ job as a secretary.” He crosses his arms over his chest, “You know she really just wants to talk about herself, share more stories about, _Oh! That one time she almost got arrested in Amsterdam for smoking too much legal marijuana!_ ”

Rey frowns deeply, “ _Look_ , it is _only_ one dinner. She is in town for a little while, and I just think it would be really nice if _we all_ could go out together at least _once_ before she leaves again.”

Finn shakes his head, “See, that isn’t even the point, Rey! You _always_ make plans before _even_ asking me!”

“Because you would have said no!”

“ _Exactly_!” Finn shouts, throwing his hands up in frustration. He stands up and begins collecting his things from the kitchen table, making for a retreat to his room.

Rey leans over the back of the couch to watch his retreating back, “Can we at least talk about this?”

“Nope!” Finn yells down the hall, slamming his door shut behind him.

\----

The next day, quite frankly, _sucks_. When Rey wakes up late in the morning, and Finn is long gone, so any reconciliation is out of the question. She misses the train, and is forced to hail cab to make it to work on time. The whole day, she feels sort of _off._

Rey forgot how much she hates arguing with Finn. Although their arguments were rare, it was also insanely difficult to argue with her best friend. Particularly because Finn uncommonly stubborn, an even just a little bit childish. The only comfort she got, was from pulling apart an old television and slowly putting it back together. There was something about working with her hands that just soothed Rey, body and soul.

She doesn’t stop for lunch or any breaks that day, just merely keeps moving on from project to project. It makes the day go by faster, and keeps her from fretting too much over things she cannot solve. She hated things that problems that didn’t have clear solution. It made her anxious.

It wasn’t until Chewie properly kicks her out, saying that he actually wants to go home sometime that night, that Rey reluctantly leaves. She stretches, cracking her stiff back and neck. The sun has already set, but she feels unwilling to return home just yet. Instead, she reaches for her phone.

\----

“I just can’t believe her!” Finn says irritably, pushing his Chinese food around with a pair of chopsticks. “She _always_ pulls shit like this. And she _knows_ how much I hate it.”

Poe Dameron sits across from him, smiling ever so politely. After emailing back and forth for day, they decided that it would be easier to discuss certain matters over dinner. But, somehow, the conversation had shifted to Finn bitching about his recent fight with Rey. Dameron was infinitely patient, “It _is_ unfair,” he agrees. To which Finn throws up his hands, as if to gesture, ‘yeah right?’ When Poe continues, “But is dinner really _that_ bad? I mean, don’t you think you’re overreacting just a _little bit_?”

Finn pouts, “You don’t know what Phasma is like…”

Dameron laughs at the boy’s sulky face, “Yeah, well, I can’t imagine she is any worse than my future in-laws.”

His ears perk up at this, as Poe had not mentioned that he was seeing someone. That… was interesting information. Finn stuffs his face with some eel to try to balance that weird sinking feeling in his stomach. “That bad?” he offers after he finishes chewing.

Poe nods sagely, “ _That_ bad. They are very old fashioned…” He picks at his own food thoughtfully, “but sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the ones you love, right?”

Finn hums, feeling chastised at Poe’s honesty. He did care for Rey, and if dinner was really that important to her then it was something that a good friend should do. After a minute of silence, he glances back up at Poe’s patient, knowing smile. “ _Alright_ , I will at least talk to her about it…”

\---  
“What’s up, kid?” Ren asks as he props open the door, shirtless _of course,_ looking down at her with soft eyes.

Rey wants to ask what’s up with him, why he lied the last time they spoke, but she restrains herself. “The usual. Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” he shrugs, and moves so she can enter. He watches from the doorway as she silently kicks off her shoes and heads for the living room. “How’s the job?” he asks, as he turns around the shut the door. When he spins around, her shirt is on the floor and her hands are pushing down a loose pair of holey jeans. He sucks in a breath, watching her hips wiggle out as she kicks the material off to the side, “that was… quick.”

She smirks at his shocked expression, satisfied at following the advice that Phasma had given her at lunch. _“Take some control over the sex— surprise him, throw him off balance, make him please_ you _.”_ She reaches back for the clasp to her bra, “The job is good, I fix things…”

Ren is very slowly moving towards her, interested, “What kind of things?”

She juts out her jaw, and looks up at him, “Anything,” she murmurs as she releases the clasp.

By now, Ren is standing before her, and he grabs the falling straps from her shoulder. He holds them up thoughtfully, “That’s… kind of hot,” he says softly before kissing her.

She pushes up into the kisses, chasing his lips with hers. He rests his palms to her shoulders, slowly dragging the straps sensually down her arm. Their lips part for a moment as her bra hits the floor, and she gives into a shiver as the cool air hits her bare skin. He moves closer, crowding her person, her nipples harden slightly as their skins brush just barely with each inhale.

They stay like that for a good minute, just staring into each’s eyes, before he can’t seem to take it any longer. He bends down and kisses her, his hands snaking between them to cup her breasts. She moans into the kiss, feeling electric at his touch. He seems to feel it too, if the pressure against her hip is any indication.

They break away for a breath, and he buries his face in her collarbone, pressing hot kisses that trail down to her breasts. She allows him to bury his face between her breasts with a moan, although small, he doesn’t seem to mind as he worships them with his hands and mouth. She feels herself grow hotter with each tease, hands buried into his scruffy hair, teasing the back of his adorably large ears. Eventually, she pulls him away, gently, and he looks up at her with a sex hazed expression. Which was hilariously similar to confusion?

“Bed,” she says slowly, and it seems to take him a moment to process as he watches her lips.

In response he just nods, not tearing his eyes away... And before she realizes it, Rey is hoisted over his shoulder, screeching and laughing in utter shock as he charges for the bedroom.

\----  
The orgasm is _excellent_. It was one of the few times, while having sex that she had actually reached her peak. And Rey was content, laid completely sated against black, silk sheets. She lazily turned to watch Ren pull off the condom, tie it, and toss it in the bin to the side. He heaved out a great sigh, chest glistening with sweat, as he collapsed down next to her.

Bored, she lifted her hand to a mole on his shoulder, tracing a path between two with her fingertips. Watching in amusement, as he twitched and heaved out a low groan into the sheets. Which, in turn made her eyes light up with mischievous curiosity, “Are you _ticklish_?”

She is about to dart an assault in of his armpit, when he flips over on his side, grabbing the offending hand. “ _No_ ,” he says too quickly. To which Rey merely raises an eyebrow, pleased by this revelation. His eyes narrow, clearly not enjoying this as much.

There is a moment of silence, before Rey’s stomach lets out a loud grumble. And she blushes red, remembering suddenly that she had skipped both lunch and breakfast today… And that she was _starving_.

Kylo laughs at the new development, “You hungry, kid?” She shakes her head, but her stomach only growls in frustration. Which only receives her another laugh from the man, as he shakes his head. “Your stomach begs to differ…” He sits up, “I don’t have much, but I got enough for an omelet.”

Rey is about to protest, but he is already standing up. So she watches as he finds and yanks on his briefs that ended up on the floor somewhere. It suddenly occurs to her that— _that_ was the first time she had heard him actually _laugh_. She replays the sound in her head, deciding that she likes it.

\----  
The omelet is _surprisingly_ decent. After the first bite, it disappears pretty quickly, as Rey realizes just how starving she is. Ren silently hides behind a book, stretched out on the bed beside her. By the time she is done, it is already getting pretty late and she needs to get home before the last train leaves.

She says her goodbye to Ren, after shimming back into a pair of jeans, his eyes peeking over his book to watch. To which he merely shrugs, “See you around, kid.”

Rey leaves the apartment feeling satisfied and just a little better. She heads out into the streets, mindlessly following the usual route to the subway station. So lost in her own thoughts, she doesn’t notice the shady character following her…

She doesn’t notice until descends the steps to the subway, a grimy hand grabbing her elbow and dragging her off to the corner. Unluckily for her, nobody else appears to be down there but them. His eyes are hard, and unkind as he touches her with his grubby hands. He presses her into the wall, trying to unbutton her jeans. And all her self-defense training goes out the window. Rey _panics._ She flails against him, trying to get away, uselessly.

Her heart pounds in her chest at a frantic, painful rate. Her breathes short and irregular. Is this really happening? _How_ can this be happening? She can’t breathe. She _can’t breathe._ She opens her mouth to scream, to yell, but only a whimper comes out. He slams her back into the wall, and the room is spinning and spinning…

“What— _What the fuck!”_

The weight is off her in a second, and Rey collapses against the cool cement floor. Her legs are locked down like iron weights… But it doesn’t matter because she can’t breathe, she can’t breathe…

She hears the sound of a struggle… Of a fight, but it is far away, in the distance…. Hands reach for hers, and she flinches. A familiar voice fills her ears, though it sounds more like they are underwater as it comes out gargled. “Rey, _Rey, it’s ok… It’s ok….”_

But it’s not… Because she can’t breathe. And all she can hear is blood pounding in her ears.

“ _SHIT-FUCK_!” the voice swears. And there is a moment of silence, but a large, warm hand remains on her shoulder. “HELLO? Is this—? Yeah, I got a woman who looks like she’s having a panic attack… Fuck, no, listen, she was _attacked_ …. No, no, he’s not going anywhere— _listen to me_ we need an ambulance _now…_. Yeah, its— “

Rey blocks out the rest, and tries to focus on counting up to one hundred. Panic attacks were not a mystery to her, as she had severe anxiety when she was younger, living in foster care. But it had been a while since she had one. By the time she reached eighty-eight, there was commotion around her. A blanket was wrapped around her. And a young woman smiled warmly at her, guiding her breathing with slow breathes.

After what felt like an eternity, Rey could breathe in slow, very shaking breathes. The young woman smiled at her gently, before looking over her shoulder, pressing the button to the walkie-talkie on her uniform. “I think we are going to need another stretcher down here.”

Rey’s eyes trail after what caused the remark, and recognizes the man who attacked her, crumpled into a bloody mess in the pavement. It looks like it hurts, but she doesn’t feel much sympathy. She remembers the person who rescued her, who sounded familiar… _“Kylo,”_ a voice whispers in her head. And she looks around, as the woman slowly helps her to her feet to guide her onto a gurney. “Where is the— “

The woman seems to know what she is asking, “The man who found you is outside, talking to the police... We’re going to take you to the hospital, just to make sure everything is ok. Alright?”

Rey lays down slowly, biting her lip hesitantly.

She adjusts the blanket around Rey, “Don’t worry, he won’t get in trouble.”

By the time Rey is turned out topside, Ren, or her rescuer is long gone. The police linger for a statement, and next thing she knows she is being whisked away to the hospital. They administer a slight sedative to calm her shaken nerves.

\----

When Finn returns home that night, he arrives in a panic. He throws his keys down, shouting her name, “Rey! Rey!” Having heard the news of her trip to the hospital, as he was listed as her only emergency contact, had shaken him. But by the time he arrived at the hospital, they had released her.

He barges into her room, heart pounding, to find the brunette slowly swaying back and forth to the music blasting from her stereo. He sighs in relief, and leans against the door frame to watch her lethargically sway back and forth, nodding her head to the tune.

_“I saw her today at the reception…”_

Rey turns to face him, and pauses for a moment in shock. She takes in his slow, soft smile and weakly returns the gesture and begins to dance a little more freely to the tune.

_You can’t always get what you want, you can’t always get what you want, you can’t always get what you want…”_

Finn chuckles fondly at her. He joins her, gently grabbing her by the waist and spinning her around into a tight hug. To which she stops, and sinks into his arms, a soft sob escaping her mouth as she wraps herself around him tightly. He sways gently, rubbing her back as she cries into his shoulder.

“… _But if you try sometimes, you just might find…_ You get what you need _.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel horrible about how dark this fic turned real quick.. But I promise to make up for it with lots of fluff next chapter.
> 
> On another note- three chapters in and I've finally used the title song of the fic! Yeah!
> 
> Lastly, I do need a beta for this fic. So, if you are at all interested in working with someone who writes on an inconsistent basis, and is a complete mess, send me an message. It'd be greatly appreciated!
> 
> PS- SO sorry!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not trying to minimize, romanticize, or mock the effects that an assault can have on a person. It is a horrible thing, a horrible experience, and something nobody deserves. Ever.

“I’m _not_ carrying _that_ around,” Rey says as firmly as one can, when they are faced down with two pairs of puppy eyes.

Poe Dameron was just as good, _if not better_ , at puppy eyes as Finn and they both sat across the table from her. On the table was a large, dangerous looking taser gun. “Rey— “Finn begins to counter.

“I’ll take this!” she picks up a smaller, more discreet bottle of pepper spray. “I’ll make the next person who tries something _cry_ ,” she forces a smirk. It wavers as something in her chest clenches, and her heart races unsteadily at the memory of feeling _helpless_.

But it is a fair compromise in her eyes. Even if the past few weeks has been hell. Even if she glances over her shoulder constantly, irrationally fearing that same man would appear and find her. Even if she doesn’t go out past dark without _someone_ by her side.

Finn did it without asking… Poe showed up and took her out to dinner one night when Finn was stuck dealing with some crisis at the law office. Phasma insisted on introducing her to a taekwondo master, whom she said would give her a discount on lessons because she _knew_ him (or slept with him). Rey had some self-defense training before, but it had been very basic… She also took a few kick-boxing classes, back in college, when she could afford it. So, she did not hesitate long to take Phasma up on her offer. Somehow the news of her incident even reached Chewie, who insisted on walking her to the train station when she would accidentally stay past dusk.

Finn shared a long look with Poe, before sighing in accord, “Ok… But you carry it _at all times_.”

Rey bites her lip, not about to argue, and quickly nods.

Poe, quickly becoming one of Rey’s favorite people on the planet, smiles and claps his hands together, “So, how about ordering that pizza?”

\----

The next week passes uneventfully. At the top of her purse rests the discreet bottle of pepper spray, and at the top of her thoughts rests _Kylo Ren_. The initial fear and paranoia is starting to numb, just a little bit, or just enough for her to think about the events of that night rationally. And she thinks back to the person who rescued her… Who beat the assailant to a plump, who held her steady with a grip that was just a little too _firm_ too be comfortable. Whose voice was familiar, but unfamiliar in its tone that was filled with panic.

The more she thought about, the more she figured she dreamed it. That she projected her own vision onto her rescuer. She hadn’t heard from him since that night, which wasn’t unusual. But unusual if he was the rescuer, wouldn’t he want to check up on her? She shook off the thoughts and returned to work on a vintage boom box that a customer had brought in.

\----

“So.”

“So?”

“You and Poe seem to be together _a lot,_ ” Rey prompts, digging her spoon into the ice-cream carton settled between the two of them. They were both on their laptops, and it was past midnight on a Saturday night. Don’t judge them—sometimes you needed a slow weekend.

Finn nods, refreshing the page to his blog, checking for any updates. “Yeah, we just finished recording the first podcast, or pilot episode. We just have to edit it.”

Rey nods, and clicks on another funny otter video. “That is good…” She waits a moment, before her patience breaks. “But you aren’t at _all_ interested?”

He sighs, as if he anticipated this question. “He has a girlfriend.”

She sets the spoon down, “W _haat?_ How come we haven’t met her yet? How serious is it?”

“Six years. And she’s pretty. And nice.”

“But you’re pretty _and_ nice too.”

“Thank you.”

She reaches over to rub his shoulder and sighs, “If only you were straight.”

“If only you were a man.”

\----

“Rey, tighten your form, it is too sloppy.”

Rey tenses her muscles, feeling pain jolt through her nerves as she goes through the motions with more tight control.

“Rey, _breathe_.”

She lets out a gasp that she hadn’t realized she had been holding in, her legs shaking as she finishes.

Her master’s bright, blue eyes sparkle. “Not bad, but I think we should revisit breathing techniques next week.”

She nods, and then pays her master respect. Luke Skywalker was a good man, but a tough instructor. He pushed her beyond her limits, and challenged the definition of perfection. She was honored to be his student. Taekwondo was a wonderful challenge for her, and it made her so content in a way she never knew before. Now, she couldn’t image herself without it—sore muscles and all.

“Don’t forget to stretch before bed,” Skywalker calls after her on the way out. She leaves grinning.

\----

“Are you sure you _have_ to go?”

Rey laughs at the question that Finn asks for the twentieth time that night. “Yes, yes, I’m _sure_. What kind of daughter would I be if I didn’t go to his birthday party?”

Finn hums in agreement, but pouts nonetheless. “You better have fun and come straight back… You know how much I hate roommate searching.”

She shoves a shirt into her backpack and zips it, “O _f course_ I will be back. It is only for a few days. I don’t think Chewie would allow for more than a week anyway… He’s still short at the store.”

“Maybe I should work there.”

She laughs, “You don’t know how to work a screwdriver.”

“It’s not my fault! The little prong-thing didn’t fit.”

“I rest my case.”

Finn sighs and collapses back onto her bed, “I can’t work at that office anymore. I can actually feel my soul _dying_.”

She puts her bag by her desk, which have her plane tickets on top (tomorrow was going to be a _long_ day) and then sat down next to him. “Have you looked anywhere else?”

Finn groans, “I _have_. Honestly, Rey, I would take _anything_ else at this point.”

She turns back to look at the sincerity on his face. She knew how much work was draining him. The office was in turmoil, and Finn was forced to work overtime. Every night he returned just to get a couple hours of sleep before heading back into the office early. He didn’t have time to do the things he really enjoyed. She felt for him. “I’ll ask Chewie when I get back.”

Finn perks up at this, “Really?”

She grins, “Y _es_ , I will, of course, I will.”

He sits up to hug her, his arms interlock at the front of her, his chin rests upon her left shoulder. “You’re the _best_ Rey.”

Her eyes close, and she leans back into his embrace. It is nice… It feels _safe_ and warm and everything that is Finn. “I could argue that, but I’m tempted not to at the moment.”

He laughs and just holds onto her longer. After a few minutes of silence, he says gently, “Be careful.”

She hums in agreement, her thoughts tracing back to training earlier that morning with Skywalker and then to his warning to stretch before bed. She doesn’t think she’ll make it that far at this rate. “Always.”

\----  
She wakes up that morning, with Finn sleeping next to her. The two had gotten so comfortable cuddling last night, that they ended up in the same bed. Which wasn’t all together unusual, but it was rare since Rey often liked her own space when sleeping. She hated feeling crowded and confined more than anything… She supposed it was because of all those times she had to share a bed in foster care, that when she finally got her own she refused to share.

She wakes up so early, that Finn will not have to be at work for another three hours. So, she dresses as quietly as she can, and parts with her backpack without waking him. The journey to the station is an easy one. And the flight is even tolerable.

When Rey finally arrives in Nevada it is around eleven o’clock, but it feels much later. Even given jet lag, Rey always felt extremely drained after traveling. The anxiety of getting to the destination would not lift until she stepped foot off the plane. Hence, she was unable to sleep the night before or on the plane. She rubbed her tired eyes as he walked through the gate, and spotted a familiar person standing at the back of the crowd. Ben Kenobi.

The sight of her father, the one who official adopted her after many years of bouncing from home to home, makes her eyes tear up. He looks the same, but different at the same time. It has been at least a year since she saw him last, and how much she has missed seems to hit her all at once. She bites the inside of her cheek, trying to tame the urge to run into his arms.

Instead she walks like an adult, waits for those in front of her, before she sinks into his outstretched arms. He smells like the sun and earth, like the desert he lives in. She leans back to look at his smiling, blue eyes, noting the silvering of his hair and the whiteness of his beard. “Good to see you, Rey,” he says softly.

She doesn’t say anything because she doesn’t trust her voice at the moment. Instead she just nods and pulls away. They head over to claim her baggage. And soon small talk emerges between them. He asks how her flight was, she asks how things are at the manor. They chat about what they’ll have for dinner. And Rey feels at _home._

\----

Home was a quaint manor in the middle of nowhere desert. There were no neighbors for miles, but that was just as how Ben would have preferred it. People who didn’t know him, called him a quack or a secretive recluse. Instead, Ben was a war veteran who served at Vietnam War. He had little family to speak of, and any of the close relatives he once had, had passed away many years ago.

He happened to meet Rey by chance… When Rey was sixteen, old enough to drive a car and headstrong, she stole her foster mother’s car and drove away. She tried to escape that awful woman, head filled with false fantasies that she would find a job as a waitress or as a maid at some ritzy hotel. Instead, when she drove west, all Rey found was desert. She ran out of gas at one point, and walked right smack into Ben’s manor. There, she was welcomed to stay the night. The next day the authorities were contacted, but they couldn’t be bothered to pick her up for another few days (partially because it was in the middle of nowhere and because Ben was so willing to accommodate her in the meantime). Rey stayed there for an extra week. And by the time the authorities came to pick her up, Ben and Rey were as thick as thieves.

Despite Ben’s insistence that a meal of just the veggies that he grew at the house was more than adequate for dinner, Rey insisted on going to the store to purchase some meat. She takes the car, and enjoys the drive immensely… She had forgotten how good it felt to drive on open roads. She rolls down the windows and turns the music all the way up.

It doesn’t take her long to pick out a pair of T-bone steaks, and she ends up hovering around the dessert case in pursuit of a birthday cake. “Can I help you?” asks a smooth tenor, and Rey glances up at a young man behind the counter. He looks just a few years younger than her, but he has short blonde hair and blue eyes. Also, the sweetest smile.

She blinks, “Um, yeah… I was looking for a birthday cake.”

He walks around the counter, considering the options, and begins to point out several. She is barely listening to what he says, when she picks out one that has some kind of chocolate truffles on top. “Good choice,” he says with a wink, “would you like me to write on it?”

“Yeah, please, just ‘Happy Birthday’ would do,” she watches his brows crunch in concentration. Before he is passing the cake over. She gives it a glance and then him a smile, “Perfect, thanks.”

She is on her way out of the store, when she hears someone yell after her, “Wait! Wait, please— “

Curious as to if she had forgotten something in the store, she freezes to spot the boy from the bakery jogging up to her. “Did I forget something?”

“No, uh, sorry,” he looks bashful, as if her question offset what he was originally intending. She waits and he seems to gather his breath back. “I was just wondering, well, if you would like to go out something… Like tonight?”

That, that was not what she was expecting. She blinks, “Tonight?”

He bites his lip, they are the same height, but he avoids her eyes, “Yeah, there is this band playing at the Mos Eisley tonight, they’re fire.”

Rey doesn’t really know what to say… She wasn’t expected being asked out. Though it _was_ a nice change in pace. She couldn’t think of a legitimate excuse _not_ to go. She nods, “Yeah, ok.”

The kid looks like he wants to do a fist pump, but he seems to contain himself. “Awesome, it is Nic, by the way. Meet me here tonight at ten, that is when I get off.”

\----

When Rey returns back, Ben is sitting outside on the porch nursing a glass of wine. She manages to sneak the cake inside, with a lame excuse that doesn’t need repeating. Dinner is delicious, of course, and over the meal she mentions the unusual boy who asked her out on a date.

To which Ben scoffs over dinner, “Is it really that unusual? You _are_ a Kenobi, after all.” And Rey’s heart swells up in joy, so satisfied with clear statement that she can’t stop grinning for the rest of the meal.

Dessert is a hit; Ben’s blue eyes dance in the candle light before he blows them out. They devour the cake, and Rey talks about the city. She talks about Finn, Poe, and then her new job. Then she mentions her taekwondo master, and Ben straightens up in his chair. She is surprised to find that he knows him, claiming that Skywalker used to live in the very same desert some time ago. The name makes his eyes go distant, so Rey saves it for a conversation another time. By this time, it is already late, so Ben gets up saying that he has to be up early to tend to the plants. She allows him to escape, the only person she had failed to mention on the back corners of her mind. _Kylo Ren._

Rey stays outside, letting her thoughts wander, watching the sun gradually decline into the horizon. The pink and purple horizon is so beautiful, that she cannot resist taking a photo to send to Finn. She waits and watches the stars claim the sky. They burn through the dark, crystal clear and sparkling, where they are invisible in the city. She is sure she will miss them, when she leaves again.

\----

“Hey!” calls Nic from across the parking lot, jogging out of the store that she had left just a few hours ago.

Rey is leaned against the side of her car, dressed in a cute, little sage dress. She hadn’t packed anything too fancy, as she had just presumed that she would be staying a few days. “Hello,” she says taking in Nic’s appearance. He’s changed out of work clothes into a pair of grey slacks and a soft, blue shirt that is unbuttoned a few down to reveal tan skin.

“You look nice,” he says sweetly as he approaches, motioning for her to follow him.

“Thanks,” she says for the compliment, and for how he opens his car door for her. She watches him run around to the driver’s side of the car, stomach knotting with nerves. She wasn’t used to being treated like a _lady_. A woman, yes, but not as someone to be waited on… It felt unnatural to her, and it made her very self-conscious.

“So, you’re not from around here, are you?” Nic offers as they set off down the road in silence.

“I used to be… Ben Kenobi is my father.”

“Ah, Ben,” the boy nods, “very nice, keeps to himself.”

She nods, “That’s the one… But you’re right, I live in New York City now.”

He glances at her with a sense of awe, “Wow. How is it?”

She considers the question. Her mind immediately goes the tiny, warm apartment she lives in with Finn. The delicious coffee shop that was just two blocks away from her house that Poe frequented. Chewie’s repair shop that was disorganized chaos, that just appeared to be chaos to the average customer. To Skywalker’s spacious studio, empty space full of potential. To Kylo’s blank apartment, as if all character had been carefully and deliberately scrubbed away. To kisses on her neck, and large, calloused hands on her waist…

“It’s— “she searches for a single word to describe her _home_. “It’s terrifying… and beautiful.”

\----

“Are – you – having– fun?” Nic is forced to yell into her ear.

The band is crazy loud, and the people around them even worse. But Rey isn’t in any hurry to leave, so she nods and offers an attentive smile.

Nic’s face splits into a big grin, “I’ll – get drinks!” And then he disappears into the chaos.

\----

They leave within an hour, only because her ears being to start ringing and she _really_ didn’t want it to cause permanent damage.

They leave on a high, giddy in the parking lot at the muted sound of the band still playing inside. “They were so good tonight!” Nic says, something close to a shout.

Rey laughs and shouts her response, “Yes! They were very good!”

The car ride back to the grocery store is comfortable. And when they pull up next to her car, Nic pauses at the wheel. “Would you… Would you like to come to my place?”

Rey’s hand is on the handle, ready to hop out into the cool night air. Ready to drive back home. She pauses at the offer… She _knows_ exactly what Nic is implying, by inviting her over to his house. And as she has had fun so far, and he has been perfectly respectable, she cannot find a reason _not_ to. She let’s go of the handle, and glances over at his hopeful face. “Yeah, why not?”

He gives her pearly grin, before peeling out of the parking lot.

\----

Rey returns home late that night.

Despite the time, she cannot hold off the temptation to take a shower… The cool water beats down on her. She changes into her pajamas, crawls into bed, and closes her eyes sated.

But then her phone buzzes, forcing her to blindly feel through the sheets for the culprit. “Finn?”

“Hey kid,” says a deep voice on the other line. One that she has not heard in more than a month.

It was one that she had given up on hearing from. After the incident, Rey had tried texting him several times. But each time she typed out a full message and reread it, it just sounded awkward to her. She never could hit send. “Kylo?” she mutters, believing that this has to be a dream.

“Yeah, kid,” he sounds mildly amused, “did I wake you?”

She sits up, rubbing her eyes awake, “No, I’m awake.”

He makes an unconvinced noise on the other line.

“What do you want?” she demands, feeling just a little grumpy.

“How have— “there is a long pause, “how are you?”

She moves the phone to her left ear, “Good? I’m home right now.”

“Me too?”

She rolls her eyes, “No… I mean _home_ , as in middle of nowhere desert Nevada.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“Soo…” she closes her eyes and listens to his voice stretch the word out, “how’s Nevada?”

“Sandy, hot.”

There is pause, but she is positive she hears a soft chuckle on the other line. “That’s to be expected, I suppose…”

She nods against the phone. And silence engulfs them both. It stretches on for about two minutes. And then they both speak at once.

“I slept with this guy here— “

“I miss you— “

They both pause again. Ren speaks up first, “Yeah? How was it?”

Rey doesn’t know _why_ she mentioned it. Especially now, like this, it just felt awkward. She could have said nothing and gotten away with it. “It was… okay.”

“Okay?”

She shifts on the bed, “Yeah, he was _nice_. Super hot, blonde, very sweet…”

“Boring.”

She sat up straighter because Kylo hit it on the head. Nic was nice and any girl would be lucky to have him, but he was _boring_. The sex was _boring._ He kissed her too slow, touched her too soft… He was the type to call fucking _“making love”_.

“Is this too weird? To talk about?”

“Why would it be weird?”

Rey shakes her head, not sure if she can answer this question herself at the moment. Instead, she chooses to change the conversation. “You missed me?”

There is a pause, “Yeahh, I was thinking about you.”

Rey tries to ignore the elated feeling those words invoke. “You were?”

“Yeah, I was thinking, where has she been? I haven’t heard from her.”

“Well, I’ll let you know if I disappear, if you do.”

“Deal.”

She stands up, moving toward the window, “Sometimes I forget how much I miss this place.”

“Nevada?”

“You can see every star in the sky from here.”

“You’re a stargazer?”

Rey shrugs, “Not really. I just appreciate their beauty.”

“I used to know all their names. I could always see them outside my window in Virginia. I was so obsessed that I got a telescope for my eleventh birthday…” He laughs, “I was the embodiment of _cool_ , clearly, as other kids were asking for an Xbox, I wanted a fancy, new lens for my telescope…”

Rey smiles, closing her eyes as she listened to the story that unfolded before her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that there will be more Finn/Poe next chapter. It will happen! 
> 
> Talk to me @ bendingsolo.tumbr.com <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update? Finally getting back to writing.  
> A lot of angst for Finn in the next chapter, poor baby. But things are getting interesting.

“Oh, thank _the gods_ , you’re back!” Finn practically crushes her in a hug as soon as she walks through the door. Rey laughs, startled, but returns the hug with the same ferocity. “You’re not allowed to go places without me anymore…”

She pats his back, knowing full well that he was joking, though couldn’t help but agree. Finn was the closest thing, besides Ben, she had to family. She pulls back to give him a once over, biting back smirk, “So, tell me you didn’t order take-out _every night_ that I was gone?”

He sulks, “You said I wasn’t allowed to touch the stove under any circumstance!”

Rey grins and pats his shoulder, “Trick question, but don’t worry I’m making your favorite tonight.”

\---

Two weeks later.

“This is the worst idea you’ve _ever_ had,” Finn grumbles, feet dragging as Rey pulls him along through linked arms.

“Oh, _please_ , don’t be such a baby, it won’t be _that_ bad,” she hisses back through a smile that lights up on her face as she spots their table. Poe was already seated with his girlfriend, Jessika, which made Finn freeze up completely - stunned. Rey took full advantage to pull Finn over to their seats.

Poe, the gentleman he is, jumps out of his chair to greet them with a hug and a kiss to Rey’s cheek. “Hey, we got here a little early, the event was shorter than we expected.” Poe was talking about the poetry reading he was obliged to go to since Jessika, his girlfriend, was performing. When Rey arranged the dinner with Phasma, she tried to make it up to Finn by inviting one of his, few, favorite people. However, Poe had to sadly decline, due to said event, so Rey smartly pushed the dinner back to a later time.

“I think we are a little late,” Rey confessed, “but I’m glad you _two_ could make it.”

Poe, realizing he was still yet to introduce his girlfriend stepped back to her side, “Yes, sorry, this is Jessika, my fiance.”

The F-bomb makes Rey’s smile falter for a second, and she quickly turns to an equally stunned Finn, whom at this point might as well be made of stone. She reaches over to squeeze his hand, apologetic, as Poe introduces them to his _fiance_ …   
  
“This is Finn and Rey, the ones I’ve told you so much about.”

Despite herself, Rey wishes she could dislike Jessika, but she smiles so brightly at that. Freckles and wide eyes turned to Finn, “The Finn, movie critic?”

Finn nods.

 “Oh my god! I’m such a fan of your blog! I’m actually the one who showed it to Poe, though he wouldn’t ever admit it.”

 Finn gives a small smile, “Thank you, it is nice to meet you too.”

And with that they all are seated again. The waiter comes over and Finn orders a drink. And so does Rey. Everything settles down into small talk, until Rey’s curiosity gets the better of her. “Forgive me, but I didn’t realize you two were engaged?”

 Poe and Jessika both look at each other bashfully. And it is Jessika who speaks up first, “We weren’t… But I proposed to Poe… It was one of the reasons I organized the poetry reading, my first proper one.”

 Rey doesn’t have to hide her surprise, “Oh my god, that’s so sweet, congratulations!”

 Finn gives a small smile as well, raising his glass to Poe, “Congratulations.” It was sincere, but Rey has known Finn for a long time to know still stings deep down. They all toast.

 So, the discuss turns to what food they should order, how was the trip to the restaurant. How was work? Which quickly led to Poe and Finn discussing the near release of their first podcast. Which led to Rey talking a lot more to Jessika, and realizing she was a really sweet girl. She was actually a flight attendant, aspiring to one day be a pilot. Which explained why she was gone for weeks at a time. She was also a poet, and loved nothing more than reading or writing in her down time between flights.

 It was almost a hour later that Phasma finally appeared. She wore a long blank dress with a plunging neckline dress, that she looked ever so confident in. Everyone stood up to greet her (though Rey had to gently push Finn out of his chair). “Sorry I'm late, got caught in traffic for a police chase.” Finn’s eye roll goes mostly unnoticed as they all sit back down.

 The food is delicious. The drinks are good. And the evening goes surprisingly well. Even Finn, seems to be enjoying himself. Phasma tells them ridiculous stories, of course, and Jessika provides a perfectly enthusiastic listener, asking questions where required. This allows Finn the freedom to giggle over his drinks and share looks with both Rey and Poe. It strikes a good balance.

 When they are fully satisfied by the food, they eventually move to a bar. Nobody was fully ready to leave, to break the almost magical harmony of the night. Everything was perfectly in sync. Almost too perfect. And that it is when they are drunk, at the height of their enjoyment of the night life, that a storm arrives.

 Kylo Ren walks into the unassuming bar, dressed in black slacks and a godawful dress shirt.

 Rey doesn’t see him at first, or doesn’t believe her eyes. But when he heads straight for the other side of the room, she is sure of it. Jessika seems to notice something is wrong first, “Rey, what’s wrong?”

 She hadn’t heard from Kylo since the phone call they had that night. They had talked until she saw the sun rise, and then after that _nothing_. Not a phone call, text, or reply. She was determined to forget it this time. To let him make the first move if he really wanted. And here he was. And she was significantly too drunk to deal with this. She shook her head, “It’s nothing.”

But this drew in everyone’s attention. Finn wrapped his arm around her shoulder, “What’s wrong?” And they he sees. “Oh my _god_ , is that _him_ ? In the _hideous_ shirt?”

Rey sighs, “I didn’t even know he owned a shirt.”

Phasma sips her drink, eyeing down Kylo knowingly. “Interesting.”

Finn, even more drunk than Rey sets his drink down, “I’m going to have a word with him.”

Rey yanks Finn back in a flash, looking to Phasma for help, “Control him, _please_ … I’ll go say hey.” And then she leaves before anyone can add another word. They are undoubtedly watching from afar, Phasma and Finn likely filling in Poe and Jessika.

But it didn’t matter. She slowed down her pace, unsure how to approach this… Oh I just saw you across the bar? Want me to buy you a drink? Where have you been? Why are you hot then cold? Why did you call me the other night?

 In the end, she doesn’t really need to say anything because Kylo spots her and waves her over. She tries her best to push her way through the crowd, just realizing now how really intoxicated she is and how this isn’t a good idea. When she finally reaches him she stumbles into him, and he quickly steads her. “Hey,” he greets, something between amusement and concern, “are you drunk?”

 “No,” she says, steps away, and sighs, “a little bit.”

He nods, looking past her with a strange look on his face, “You here alone?”

Confused by the question, she shakes her head, “No?”

 He hums, “So, I assume those are your friends?” He points and Rey turns to see all her friends blatantly staring from across the bar, Finn was glaring.

Could they be any more obvious? She blushes, feeling the need to explain herself. “Yeah, we went to dinner and then drinks… I wasn’t expecting to run into you.” She stares at the awful pattern of his shirt, deciding Finn was right - it was not cute.

Kylo nods, “I understand.” He looks down at Rey, who still refuses to look at him directly. So, his own eyes wonder as silence hangs between them.

The bar’s music picks up, and people are beginning to head for the dance floor. And that is when a man with red hair, and ridiculous clothes slides up close to Ren. “Kylo, let’s dance.”

Kylo turns his head away in disgust, “You smell like a liquor store.”

The redhead pouts, and turns his attention to Rey, “Hello, pet, you’re welcome to come along, if you like.”

Rey feels a spike of anger at being called _pet_ , at being talked down to. That mixed with alcohol wasn’t a good mix. She crossed her arms, “I think not, you look like you have rabies to me.”

This makes Kylo burst out laughing, and Rey is so taken aback that her anger simmers down just a bit into amusement as tears burst from his eyes. He laughs like it is the funniest thing he has ever heard, and it is the only second time she has ever heard it. The redhead looks pissed, but mainly at Kylo. He shoves off Kylo and heads for the dance floor.

When Kylo settles down to a grin he explains, “That’s Hux, a friend, who definitely had it coming.”

Rey forces herself to relax a little bit and nods, curious about who exactly Hux was. “So, you dance?”

Ren grimaces, “Yeah, but I’m not sure if it is something you’re ready to see.”

It sounded like a challenge. “I think I can handle it. Come on,” she pulls him into the crowd. And even though he could easily stop her, he allowed himself to be led.

As it turns out Kylo is a terrible dancer. He moves completely off beat, and it makes Rey laugh. He grabs her hands and spins her around like they are kids. She can almost forget how angry she is with him. For playing games. She can almost convince herself this is all in her head, this is all her fault for expecting something more. But sometimes, it feels like more.

She’s lost in thought, she doesn’t notice Phasma’s approach. But Kylo does and freezes. “Hello?”

“Evening,” Phasma says dismissively, turning her attention to Rey, “Finn left.”

This alarms her, considering how drunk Finn was, and the fiance situation… She shouldn’t have just left him. She should have known better. She should have been a better friend, then to get caught up in her own problems. She saves the guilt for a later date, “Where did he go?” she demands.

Phasma shrugs, “He said he was going to the bathroom. But didn’t come back. Poe and Jessika went to look for him.”

She knew where Finn would go. She took her purse from Phasma, “I gotta go.”

“Whoa,” Kylo says, forgotten in this conversation, “go where? Alone?” He looked around, seemingly to check up on his other friend, “I’ll go with you, just… Just give me one moment.” He pushed his way through the crowd and returned a moment later with a grumpy looking Hux.

They eventually reached the park, Finn’s favorite spot to go for a walk to “clear his head” on the bad days. It wasn’t hard to spot him. Sitting on a bench, speaking nonsense to an officer who looked annoyed at a drunkard who should not be here on after hours.

“I’ll handle this,” Kylo announces, striding his way over.

“I’ll help,” Phasma adds, trailing after. Together, they make a fearsome pair. Overbearingly tall. Ren was intimidating to say the least. As was Phasma, but she also had a silver tongue where Ren did not. They surely could handle the situation easily enough.

Rey and Hux stayed back, watching as the situation diffused quickly into a lecture with Phasma, Ren, and Finn all nodding diligently.

“So, you’re Rey?”

Rey turns to look at Hux, “Yes?”

“Interesting.”

“Interesting?”

“I expected you to be different.”

This annoys her. But now the gates are open to all questions. “Who exactly are you to Kylo?”

This bemuses him, “A friend.” She looks at him critically, but he carries on before she can ask. “Yes, we’ve slept together before. Kylo is bi, and judging by your face, you didn’t know that.”

She had suspected it because of how familiar they were in the club. But she didn’t really know. Not until now. She feels embarrassed, cornered, that she is the one questioning him like she has any right…

“You really don’t know _anything_ about Kylo, do you?” Hux says, voicing her fears with some venom. 

No, she really didn’t. She _thought_ she did sometimes… She thinks back to that phone call. The story Kylo had weaved for her, of him as a little boy in Virginia looking out at the stars. She wonders if Hux has heard the same one.

She watches as Finn is dragged toward them between Kylo and Phasma. Kylo shoots her a small smile, “No, I suppose I don’t.”


End file.
